Monday, February 26, 2007

How Ms. Pac-Man took my manhood

In my quest to bring those things that come with being in a relationship - romance, friendship, companionship and, yes, sex - back into my life, I can't say that I've been completely successful. Of course, I can't say I've really had my heart completely in it, but, that's for a different blog entry.

Since I don't have the romance, companionship, friendship and, especially the sex, at this time, I decided I needed to do something that would make me feel better about myself as a man. Some way I could prove my prowess. Something that would let me prove to myself that I was still viable and desirable as a male of the species. I needed to be something I was good at to boost my ego. I already have a new guitar and bass, so that was out. I've got a new computer, so there's another no. I'm not into cars, so no flashy new sports car. So, I decided there was only one thing left.

Video games.

You know those video game systems you can find nowadays? The ones that have half a dozen or so classic video games programed into the joystick controller? I decided to get one of those. And not just any one, the Ms. Pac-Man set since it had my two favorite games Ms. Pac-Man and Galaga. What better way to boost my ego and prove to myself that I was still a virile young man (I've decided to move middle age off to 50 since I'm about to turn 40). So, I grabbed my joystick, er, the joystick and began playing.

I spent many hours and many quarters in my youth perfecting my Ms. Pac-Man and Galaga games. I had the highest scores on the machines down at the Quick Stop plenty of times, so I was looking forward to getting my MoJo back.

So, I select Ms Pac-Man. It takes a while to get back into the swing of things, after all, it's been a while - a long, lonely, dry spell. But, I figure once I get started, it will all come back to me and I'll get into the rhythm of things. But, unfortunately, maybe a minute or so later, it was over and I was just sitting there holding my joystick, er, sorry again, I meant THE joystick. I was embarrassed. This had never happened to me before. I mean, it was over too quick. I guess it had just been so long....

Well, I figured the next time it would be better. So, once I was up to it again, I go back to her and try again. I'm eager now, and want to prove that the previous time was a one-time thing, but, it happens again and it's over before I know it.

At this point, I'm not feeling so good. I feel like she's just sitting there, laughing at me. I used to be able to make it last for so much longer. Hours, just going on and on with the excitement and the thrill of feeling like I was accomplishing something. But, I was beginning to feel like I'd lost the touch. And, now, every time I saw her, I just got nervous, feeling like I needed to try to do better. But, in the end, it's been over quick and very unsatisfying.

So, have your fun Ms. Pac-Man. Just keep laughing at me. I'll be back with a vengeance one day soon and we'll go all night long. Just get rested up.

Meanwhile, I've switched to Galaga. At least with it, I get to blow crap up.

posted by Joseph @ 2/26/2007 12:57:00 AM 0 Comments

Um..... Did they Listen to the whole song before using it?

Like every generation, I get a little miffed when I hear the important anthems of my youth used to sell things. Sure, it's an ago-old practice to use songs people know and instantly recognize as background music while companies hawk cars, burgers, computers, and whathaveyou, but sometimes, you really have to wonder if the advertising people who came up with the idea really got the meaning or the lyrics of the tune, or, if they even really listened to it.

It pissed me off when The Beatles "Revolution" was used to sell tennis shoes, but, even though I loved the tune, it wasn't one from MY generation. It was already around in my formative years and wasn't part of the soundtrack for my angst-ridden youth. So, I was pissed, but I didn't fully get it. Then, recently, Burger King decided to use Modern English's "I Melt With You" in their commercials. To me, one of the greatest songs from the decade. Something memorable. Something wonderful. Hearing it playing while burgers zip across the screen took something away from it.

But now, tonight as a matter of fact, I was kind of taken aback when I saw a new commercial for Wendy's and I realized what the song was they were using. I must say, when I think of hamburgers, "Blister in the Sun" by the Violent Femmes isn't really the first tune that comes to mind. Of course, they didn't actually use any of the lyrics, just the very recognizable guitar licks.

Would these lyrics make you think "gee, I'd really like a hamburger"?

When Im out walking I strut my stuff yeah Im so strung out
Im high as a kite I just might stop to check you out
Let me go on like I blister in the sun
Let me go on big hands I know your the one
Body and beats I stain my sheets I don't even know why
My girlfriend she's at the end she is starting to cry
Let me go on like I blister in the sun
Let me go on big hands I know your the one...

It's not that I'm completely against using these songs for commercials....well, actually I kind of am, but on the flip side, I'm glad some of these artists are once again making money off these songs. But, come on people, just because a song was popular to a generation, would it really be appropriate to use in a commercial.

Of course, the opening few bars of Prince's "Darling Nikki," before the vocals come in, would be perfect for a product advertised with a wink and a nod for "feminine personal dryness," or for a new fabric softener. Who do I talk to about getting that into a commercial.....

posted by Joseph @ 2/26/2007 12:56:00 AM 0 Comments